Weekends went away too fast. Tomorrow will be Monday, the day people hate most including me. There will be weekly meeting on Monday and I am the one who wil be incharge on the floor since the coordinator went outstation for another 2 more weeks. *sigh. Tomorrow will be a stressful day since both manager take a half day leave until Tuesday for a vacation. That leaves me with the rest of the floor to be monitored. *sigh again. I had never imagined to lead a group of people. I want to design and be creative. This career conflicts happens to anybody where you are not ready for a promotion or a responsible because there’s no other people can do the job and lucky you have this a bit of talent. It is actually good for you career building but you will have to suffer when you will have to struggle to meet what they expect you can do. Why me? I had enough this mind playing game that torturing me for the past few weeks. Nobody will understand it. Me neither. Why don’t we just forget about it and lets just face it when it comes.

Maybe I am having this quarter life crisis things. The symptoms are match with what I feel right now. There’s sometimes I felt I really don’t know what I want in my career. What I want to be and what I am looking for. The future seems blurry and unpredictable. I am 26 now and by this time I should be settle down somewhere with someone and something. To think positive I always believe that one day Allah will give it to me. It is just a matter of time and I am being test.

Last time I felt so bored that I want to do something so that I will not look like a loser. I continue my study in master degree now and had just finish my first semester. Next semester will be in a few weeks time so I have a few weeks to rest before sleepless nights will be my routine again. Continuing study doesn’t really make my boring go away. There’s something missing in my life that I should have it by now. Love? I had enough love from family and friends. Companionship? Maybe. Relationship? Ermm..

After a few months, I realized that I have to do something to myself to gain my confidence and courage. I hope this will works and wish me good luck for it. 2 missions in a year should be enough. Trying not to be too ambitious, I should pray for my consistency and discipline towards both missions.

It is raining since last few days. I had a plan cancelled yesterday and was at home until Sunday ends. It was cold and I felt sleepy that most of the time I slept and sat on my bed while watching movies on my computer, besides doing laundry and house cleaning, Yet I felt my weekends went away too fast and I need a few more day to rest. Oh I need a vacation. I month to go to be back home. Just be patient.